missing sth in life

ITsme
i feel that my life is missing of something. something important, something that will make me someone else.
mummy had just unpacked the storeroom, flipping out all the photos that we took as a family, and throwing all the photos that have him in it. yes, he is missing.
in the years that i grew from the ignorant kid, to what i am now, my mum had made me feel that this family is going on well. but i know it very well that, my family is different. my family is unique.
perhaps everyone else will think that a family with dad, mum, sis, bro and me..is 理所当然thing.
but, i do feel sour when i see a happy family. something is missing, in my growth. just something.
my mum is strong. to think, he left her, afters years. but for me. less than 1 yr, i cannot take it. what's more her case. she is just strong. what am i to her. nothing. mother are always the greatest, and i agree totally.
this person i know, who went into my room, and exclaimed: “你小时候这样，为什么长大后变成这个样子？！”
ya, its him who said that. a little sad.. but i gave a good thought over this question.
my answer. i became so boy-ish, because, i am brought up single-handily by my mum. the greatest mum in this universe.
there is a lot of things in my life, i had to make my own decision, and take up full responsibility to these decisions. i would say, its good. freedom, to a lot of teenagers. to me, its a challenge, its a task. because things that are faced, aren't child's play, they are choice that are to make, that will change my life. and perhaps my mum's too.
growing up without a d*d, no one is protecting me, especially when my mum is busy at work.
i used to have my brother with me whenever i go out play, because the neighborhood that i live in doesn't play barbie, doesn't play computers.
they play skates, blades, bike, soccer, and even...fights.
wooden sticks, sand bags, fists...are some common weapons that i see.
thank goodness i studied in st nicks. otherwise, i would not know what could i have become.

my life, like a jigsaw puzzle. missing of this piece.

i have got to be strong.
i realized that studies is not everything. its just another piece which makes my puzzle.
but thinking of this. im puzzle can never be perfect, why should i bother.
my aim is to have a perfect life puzzle. but it could never be done.
should i throw this puzzle away, and start afresh?
start a new puzzle. start a new life.

end my old life.

i wonder...