sentosa w 223

ITsme
hihi. today im feeling so much beta le!! coz i went to sentosa w 223 peeps. haha
ook. nt really class gathering. coz only 10 out of 17 came. inshort. nt alot.
me, LL, Peg, jiaqi, jiayun, pris, kiong, tong, yuan and long.
hehe..but i was super late, we were suppose to mit at 8 at amk mrt.
but i damn smart, jiaqi gave me morning callSS..i answered, and went back to slp.
haha. so damn tired la. and noe wad. they actually thot tt i wont go lor!!
how can u all ve so little faith in my promise?!?! ><
haha. i say will go den wil go de mahx.
ok la...if its other ppl, i might nt go la. but for u all, i will go lor.
afterall, its our first and only 'class outing' of the JC life, b4 A's.
we really had a grt time..but still. alot ppl missed it.
and only if he was dere...it will be more more more more fun.
i guessed. haha
hmm..today, as usual, i bathed at the open shower..lyk ok wad..
den LL was lyk wad?!?! haha. she wants a cubical. haha.
but so packed..im nt waiting, im e mann!! haha. i dun mind. haha.
den LL gave me her first time. haha.
first time bathing w sum1 else..
ehh..i ve a secret..tt's my first time too.
usually i bathe at the open shower alone..w e strangers, coz i noe they wont reg me.
ehh...thru today, i oso realised tt actually other than litong and qianyuan, saykiong and xuelong 人也很好。。。 lyk, i use to dislyk xuelong..but i realise tt he doesnt lyk me, doesnt make me doesnt lyk him. its so tiring to nt lyk a person, but its so fun to tease a person who dun lyk me.
prob coz he wil b v frastrated. haha.
i noe he wont mind. coz got LL. haha!!!!
they r damn nice!! long went arnd to look for bicycle rentals and he lead in e way, checkign the route tt we're taking is right.. saykiong juz stayed at the back, ensuring tt no one is left lost. haha
so gentleman. hah. but this is e first time i see this kinda of things lor..!!
hmm..tokin abt this, i woke up late today coz ytd was on fone w shun till near 4 or 3?
cant rmb..juz rmb till i really v tired. den juz slp. haha
ya. ytd was really a bad day for me la..toking crap can make me feel beta.
heez, thanks.
ok la..im eatin dinner now...abit full liao... tt's y i stopped to type this.
haha. nites!!

安慰

ITsme
不要把我的欢乐当作理所当然的。。。
不要把我的乐观当作理所当然的。。。
不要把我的努力当作理所当然的。。。
不要把我的一切当作理所当然的。。。

一切，都不是我最深心情。。。
一切，都不是最真实的我。。。
一切，都是我捏造出来的。。。

可能我不是赢家。
可能我不是输家。
可能只是放弃了。

一句你的问候。
一句你的肯定。
一句你的打气。

是我渴望的吗？
不是。

我要的只是安宁。
我要的只是平静。
我要的只是被遗忘的嘉纬。

你在哪里？？
你会回来吗？
你回来吧。。

我不能失去自己最真挚的灵魂。
我不能失去自己最纯真的灵魂。
我不能。

老天，
放过我吧！！

我认输了。
我不玩了。
我求求你。

不要再玩弄我了。
不要再恶整我了。
不要再愚弄我了。

我累了。
我不要再当好人了。

a B

ITsme
世界就是那么的现实。无论有多么多的主意。。还是任何的东西。 只要你达不到他们要的要求，你什么都不是。而，这就是我。
站在我出生就一直住在组屋门外，十楼。。两个钟头。 我想了很多。有人说，人生就算一场梦。我这场梦，还可真的是恶梦啊！ PW 我整组人都得到A, 但， 我却得到了B. 为什么呢？我不了。 我又没有偷懒，也没有不做事情。为什么呢？
真得好累。。标枪，篮球，house exco., 还有学业。。我快承不下去了。好累。
教育系统就是这样，一定是把所有的人都逼上同样的道路。 没有人可以避开，没有人可以例外。 只要是走不上这条道路，就是世俗眼中的失败者。 我们的表现指标真的是最标准的吗？真的可以让所有的人都发挥所能，突破自己吗？ 我不觉得。
我也想离开这里，抛下一切。。重新再来。我不资格的不是学业，而是人生。
我是个失败的人。 但，我不能放下我的妈妈。。 我唯一的依赖，也是我唯一的担心。
回家吧。。 家。 真的是让我心正常跳动的地方。。唯一能让我望记一切烦恼的地方。
天啊。。我的家。
我好想就永远呆在这里。。永远高枕无忧。
我好像上瘾了。。。 。。。 。。

失败者，嘉纬。

ITsme
im tired. im super tired.
im in pain. im feeling grt pain.
my ankle(s), my knee(s), my shoulder(s), and back....
they are all aching lyk no body's business.
but for my Adiv which is 4trngs away frm me now...
i will go on.
tml, wed again.
6days aft the 100th.
hmm... i ve 2.4, track and bball,
again.
juz so dead. so damn freaking dead.

加油吧！！ i dun ve a choice.

加油！！ 加油！！

嘉纬，加油！！

ITsme
this is interesting. i juz went to chk for my competitions schedule. well well. lets see. my first comp will be on monday, 4:15pm..prob ends arnd 7? eh. can forget abt trng bball liao lor. den go home slp, next day, 0830am ve shotput. nice rite? confirm die. den if i lose both. i'll be damn demoralised. den w my sucky emotion, wed, i will be playing the important match against dunman high. if we won tt game, second round is waiting ahead, if we lose. we're as good as gone.
so, i must nt let my track stuff affect my bball stuff. NEVER!!! ok. if i do, pls kick me out of the court. i will be more than glad. coz i cant bear to let all ur hopes down... haix. but at least, the match on friday will be more friendly... against PJC..
this means tt for the entire wk, i will only be in sch for lessons for thursday.
对不起， 老师！！ 我先跟你们道歉！！

my cups

ITsme
these are cups and medals i've collected..so far. more too go? im nt too sure. im juz old alr. but, i will try my best to finish the journey i ve decided to take up.
sorry ppl, if im abit too stressed up. abit too...inconsiderate?
i kinda think tt u understand me. but, i juz feel so guilty.
lyk, u all did more than me..but yet.
victory, this izt everything.
i guess. to me, this year, even if i dun get a single cup, or a single medal home. im alr the winner.
bcoz, i ve won my limits in physical, and mental, and climbed up to another higher state.
it maybe hard on me now, but, the fruit will be sweet.
at least in my heart, im sure, im the winner.
hope everything will be fine for me. hope things wont be any worse. hope i wont get injured...pray w me.

dots

ITsme

stressed up potato... ...

jiawei

i hate myself.

im positive

thinking

ITsme

i gave it a good thought...do they deserve me?
do they care? i dunno.
thinking wad happened all this while.
i thot...maybe its juz my wishful part.

lyk wad the hell.
why do i feel that im seeing them more impt than they're seeing me?
i really wonder, do they deserve me to work so hard for.
or perhaps. i shld juz let go.
maybe i shld nt go the extra mile
making me look stupid, feel stupid.
why do i bother how they feel when they are alone?
when they do not care how i feel when im alone?

i really dunno wad to do.
perhaps i shld cherish those tt cherish me.
kick the ass of those who took me for granted
those tt i once took them so closely to my heart.

they dun deserve me to do my best for them.
i think, only me, deserve myself to do the best for.
coz the reality world is juz so cruel. so unjustified.
i dun see my presence in tt world... ...
go chk it urself.

dun gimme excuses.
i wont accept any reason for all my work to go worthless.
for all my effort to be taken for granted.
all the pain, and tiredness, tt i chose the route and take this up.

i could ve nt done this. track is sufficient for my nice SGC.
the rest is juz for u all.

yet, u all took it for granted. i duno why.

PERHAPS...im juz petty.

why be nice? why be considering?
WHY BE STUPID?

if i let go now, maybe im selfish.
but honestly. tt world aren't for me.
u all wont win bcoz of me
u all wont lose w/o me.
if this is a team
im juz one of the twelve.

afterall... ...
im for individual sports.
im alone.
im loner.